


A Changed Life

by Kateis_Cakeis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (that the original avengers caused), Alternate Timeline, Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Old Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 09:39:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16473104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateis_Cakeis/pseuds/Kateis_Cakeis
Summary: Thanos had finally been defeated, everyone trapped in the pocket dimension returned to the real world. Except, things were different now. People who died were now alive, people who used to be on the battlefield weren’t. Most notability for Bucky, Steve was nowhere to be seen.What had he done?





	A Changed Life

Bucky reappeared on Wakandan soil, standing with his gun in his hand. Oh, thank god, he was out of that hell. That… pocket dimension. Gamora had told them all about it, once upon a time. He wondered if she got out, or if she was just a victim of Thanos’s crusade. Quill certainly liked to think she’d get out. At least Sam would finally be happy, not grumpy. And T’Challa would surely be looking for the kid, Peter P. Something about the tales of his powers made T’Challa want to drag him over to Shuri. Bucky was half convinced he just wanted them to talk about vines and never bother him again.

Most of all, they couldn’t wait to see their friends and loved ones again.

So, when Bucky moved out of the forest, meeting back up with Sam and T’Challa, they found… everyone in the same places as before. Before anyone disappeared. Except… Loki and Groot were standing over Thanos’s body, raising their fists in triumph. Wanda hugged Vision, who was alive. Nat ran up to Sam and Rhodey, hugging them both. T’Challa was greeted by a grinning Okoye.

Sam, T’Challa and Bucky caught each other’s eyesight. Wanda didn’t seem to care for the differences. They were confused. It was like they never dusted at all. Maybe they didn’t.

Problem was, Bucky couldn’t see Steve anywhere.

“Natasha,” he said, approaching her. She pulled him into a quick hug, smiling lightly. “Natasha, where’s Steve?”

She furrowed her brow. “Steve? Who’s Steve?”

Sam laughed, as if she was crazy. “Nat, what are you playing at? Where is he?”

“We have no idea who you’re talking about, guys,” Rhodey said. “Who is Steve?”

Bucky took a step back, breathing deep. “Steve Rogers.”

“Oh!” Nat laughed. “Buck, you’ve never visited him. Why would you think he’d be here? Are you feeling alright?”

T’Challa approached the group, his eyes wide. “What did you do?”

“Did you just miss everything that just happened?” Rhodey asked, clearly baffled. “Loki and Groot killed Thanos, it’s over. Thank god the tesseract was never found.”

Bucky planted a hand on his hip, stepping away, stepping back. “We remember a different timeline. Now, I’ll ask you again, where is Steve Rogers?”

\--

It was easy to explain to them. They sat down and told a story of those who had been lost.

Steve Rogers, once upon a time, crashed a plane into an ocean. He woke up seventy years later, an Avenger. He went on to save Bucky, had a civil war with the team, became a war criminal. (No one believed the righteous Captain America turned top level SHIELD agent could do that). Bucky and Steve were engaged, about to be married, then Thanos happened.

Now, Steve Rogers never crashed a plane. He lived his life, now in his long retirement, old and tired.

Thor and Loki had their differences but patched things up. Loki died and Thor failed to kill Thanos. Now, Thor and Loki had found the Guardians and travelled with them in their fight against Thanos. Thor was likely on Titan.

Tony Stark had a child now, of all the differences. He and Pepper had been married for many years.

Even those who had once dusted had changed histories. Bucky had been the one to freeze in ice, though it was a cryo chamber. He’d been left abandoned till the HYDRA downfall in 2014, when he was found in an old base. In this time, he’d never been the Winter Soldier. After recovery, he quickly joined the Avengers.

Bucky had attended Sam’s VA session, they became friends. Sam joined Bucky in the fight against Ultron.

All the Avengers had signed the accords.

For some, nothing had changed at all.

\--

Bucky knocked on a door, head bowed. He stared at his metal arm, it was strange how he’d never lived in Wakanda. The prosthetic was made by Stark and was the same colour as his skin. The small changes were often the most surprising. But he couldn’t believe his self in this timeline hadn’t visited his old friend, no matter how hard things must have been.

Steve was ninety-nine, alone. His Wikipedia page told Bucky he’d never had kids. He’d had a range of wives, and it was quite the scandal when he came out in the eighties. Steve had lived a life, full of people. He’d had many by him over the years, had the chance of happiness. In the end, he was alone. Bucky wanted to understand that.

The door swung open, a very old Steve stood before him. Wrinkles covered his face. His neck sagged. His arms were weak, his back hunched. He held a stick at his side. His hair was white and glasses sat on his face.

“Oh… old friend, you’ve come to see me at last,” Steve said, stepping aside. “Please, please, come in.”

Bucky stood still, not wanting to move. “Steve…”

“Bucky?”

“It’s good to see you, pal.”

Steve beamed, banging his stick against the floor a couple times. “Come in.”

Bucky stepped into Steve’s house. A little thing sitting proudly in the suburbs. He closed the door and followed Steve, who shuffled into the living room. He gestured for Bucky to sit on the couch, while he sat in a red armchair. The place was well decorated, full of pictures, memories. Full of clutter and sentimental things. The style was old, stuck in the past, but it was undoubtedly Steve.

“Why now?” Steve asked, leaning his stick on the table next to him.

“It just… felt like the time, I guess.” He closed his eyes. “Been through a lot lately. Needed to see someone from… back then.”

“Buck, look at me.”

Bucky did. Steve was staring at him like he was a disappointed parent.

“I’m old. All my friends are dead, but you, _you_ have a chance to live a new life.” He gestured to a wall, full of pictures. “You’re no longer from back then. You get to live as the cocky Bucky Barnes I knew.”

“I’m not that guy.”

Steve chuckled. “People never change, pal.”

Bucky nodded slowly, breathing deep. The tears were already stinging at his eyes. “It shouldn’t have ended like this… I should have been there with you.” He clenched his fists. “Why, _why_ am I never there with you?!”

“Oh… The cards we’ve been dealt, Bucky, they’re not fair. But you get a second chance at life…” He smiled, sadly. “Do you know how happy I was to hear the news in 2014? I flew to DC against all advice and sat with Peggy, for hours. I cried, I laughed, I was _so_ happy to know you were alive. She… didn’t always remember what I was talking about but it didn’t matter. You were _alive_.”

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to visit you.”

“You needed time to adjust, I understand.” Steve gestured to the room, to the memories around. “I can tell you about my life.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, please.”

“Well, after the war, the team was still together, till Monty and Dernier went home. We got some new people in, Pinky, Happy Sam and Junior, who came up with the name. I still don’t understand why he called us Howling Commandos, but yeah. We were a close-knit group.”

“Did the missions treat you well?”

Steve shrugged. “Didn’t treat Junior well. But we stayed together as a team well into SHIELD. By ‘67, I was the last Howlie on the rota.” He laughed. “Became a regular old SHIELD agent after that.”

“What happened to the gang then?” Bucky asked, he could see the pride in Steve’s eyes.

“Ah, well, Jim got wounded in ‘52. He never went out in field again, stayed in the SHIELD offices, had a family. Gabe went back to his education, had a great life. Dum Dum stuck with us till 1966, enough was enough for him then.” Steve smiled to himself. “Yeah, Dum Dum lived out a good retirement. Um… Happy Sam got out in ’60 I think. Dates are a bit muddled here and there. Pinky! Well, he went out in a fiery blaze of glory. Saved us all one mission.”

“Sounds like you were a close team.”

“Oh, we were. Ah… During those times I had many relationships you know? Four failed marriages by the time it was 1975. I was away too often or came home with bruises. Or healed too fast or was too strong.” He shook his head. “Couldn’t tell them I was working for SHIELD, rules were different back then.”

Bucky gaped, he could hardly believe Steve’s line of work ruined his chances of having a family. He’d always imagined Steve as the one settling down with kids, if they’d stayed in their time. “All of them failed because of SHIELD?”

“It was mostly my fault too. I got angry sometimes, never hurt any of them but… I was Captain America, a super soldier.” Steve pressed his lips together. “They thought I could break them easily.”

“Steve…”

“The seventies allowed me to grow, you know? The eighties too. I had boyfriends, started properly advocating for LGBT rights…” He took off his glasses. “You must have heard about the AIDS crisis.”

Bucky felt a lump in his throat. “Yeah. It makes me wanna cry just thinking about it, all those lives lost. I can’t imagine what it was like to live it.”

Steve looked to the ceiling, as if begging for strength. “It was terrifying, watching everyone around you die. I went to this group on Saturdays, we went from having a hundred members to twenty so fast.” He put his glasses back on. “I don’t know how I lived through it all. Always waiting for the inevitable, only for it never to come. Didn’t have the serum then. I remember, I begged Howard to find out how to make it, so it could cure our friends.”

Bucky watched as Steve was holding back tears, trying not to drudge up too much hurt. He knew from Steve’s history that he spent years reversing the effects the serum had on his body, so he could age. They could never get rid of it completely, but age he did.

“We don’t have to talk about it, it’s okay, Steve,” Bucky said, nodding to his friend.

“Ah, but I have to tell a young boy like you about our history.”

That was another thing, the Bucky of this time had come out to the world.

“I have the internet for that, Steve. You don’t need to remember that time.”

Steve shook his head, tapping his fingers off the armchair. “But I do, Buck. Have to remember the men and women who died, while the government watched us suffer.”

Bucky desperately wanted to change the subject. “Why are you alone, Steve? Do you have friends? Please tell me you do.”

Steve shrugged. “I told you, all my friends are dead. You know I’m in contact with Tony, Natasha and Barton. They’re too young to be real friends, young enough to my grandchildren.” He glanced to Bucky, then to the ground. “On the romantic front, to tell you the truth, I didn’t want it to work. Sure, I wanted to be happy, but my mind could never settle.” He sucked in a breath. “Nobody was you. I tried, my god, I tried, Buck… But, yeah, nobody was you.”

That was the last straw. To know this Steve had self-sabotaged all his relationships because of Bucky, yeah, that was too much. Steve always did have a self-destruct button. “Steve… Why did you do this?”

“Do what, pal?”

“Change the timeline.”

Steve cocked his head to the side. “Now, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You took the stupid with you, Steve. And left me alone.”

“You’ve been awake for four years and never visited me. You know, Nat keeps me up to date with these things. The Thanos business seemed nasty.”

“You don’t understand. You once fought alongside us with Thanos, and in a bid to save everyone, you sacrificed yourself. _Like you always do_.” He leant forward. “From what I pieced together, you somehow stole the tesseract from the Red Skull. You hid it, without telling anyone. You’re the only one who knows. Thanos couldn’t find it, he never wiped out half the universe but… you had to stay in this time. It changed _everything_.”

“That… sounds like me.”

“Really?” Bucky looked to him, tears welling in his eyes. He wanted to cry till he had nothing left to give. “I don’t think you _get_ it. I remember a time where we were okay, before Thanos. We were going to live in a village, in Wakanda. And _you_ threw that all away to save the universe.” He shook his head. “We were engaged. We had this beautiful wedding planned, after all the shit we’d been through.”

Steve’s eyes slowly widened, his mouth dropped open. “We were… a thing, you and me?”

“Does that seem crazy to you now?”

He shook his head with vigour. “No, Buck. It was all I ever wanted.”

“God, I still love you. But you’re not you anymore.” Bucky covered his face, letting his tears fall. This was too much. How could he do this? Be in this room with Steve, their ages seventy years apart. “You’ve had a hell of a life, Steve.” He looked to him, at his old friend, who had never known what being with Bucky was like. “But I should have been there.”

Steve pressed his lips together. “I wish things were different. I wish I could have that life with you, in Wakanda. Imagine if we were married. How beautiful that would be.”

“I did imagine it once.” He stood and sat on the arm of Steve’s chair. “We were stupidly in love, trying to balance you going off on missions and me working on a farm. It was so… perfect.”

Steve sighed, taking Bucky’s hands into his frail ones. “I’m sorry I did this to you. But I’ve lived a wonderful life. It would have been nice to have you in it, but I still lived. Word of advice?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t hold onto the past. Let it flourish behind you while you move forward. I spent too many years trying to hold onto your memory, I lost myself.” He patted Bucky’s hand. “You might have lost a version of me, but you’ll find someone who will make you happy.”

Bucky pulled his hand away from Steve’s, brushing away the tears that crawled down his face. “ _You_ made me happy. Before this mess. For fucks sake, Steve, you were supposed to be my _husband_.”

Steve stared at the floor for a long while. “You should go.”

“Steve–”

“No, I can’t take anymore of this. Leave.”

Bucky nodded and stood, leaving the room. He spared one last look to Steve, an old man, a person he didn’t know. The man took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. Bucky opened the front door and said goodbye to his past. It would continue on as he moved forward. He didn’t look back, he would take Steve’s advice. He’d move forward, with the knowledge that he’d had another life he couldn’t go back to.

His life now? Being an Avenger. His home was the facility. Nothing was the same for him.

He got in his car and called Sam, pulling away quickly.

“Bucky…” Sam’s tone was already full of pity.

“You were right. He didn’t know. He gave me advice for god’s sake.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me about his life, first. Then I told him the truth, I couldn’t keep that from him. And because he’s Steve, he had the audacity to tell me to let my past flourish and keep moving forward.” Bucky sighed. “Then he told me to leave. I think I overwhelmed him.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“You don’t sound it.”

Bucky glanced into his mirror, the house wasn’t visible. “I’ll always remember my Steve, even if he never existed.”

“What will make you happy now?”

“I’ve got plenty of time to work that out, I guess.”

Sam scoffed. “Yeah. Hey, I’ll order your favourite pizza, okay? Well, Nat says it’s your favourite.”

“Thanks.” Bucky doubted very much that any food would taste good now.

Why was it, when bad things happened, Bucky was always one of the few to suffer?

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [tumblr!!](http://kateis-cakeis.tumblr.com/)


End file.
